


Sink Me in a River, Send Me Away with the Words of a Love Song

by Shomokamibutternutcrackers



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, fucked up shit goes down btw, i don't wanna spoil anything, idk how to tag it but reader beware, its in first person pov sometimes, might seem OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:13:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28666041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shomokamibutternutcrackers/pseuds/Shomokamibutternutcrackers
Summary: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other?-Gillian Flynn
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 34
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

21st September, 2025

Mercedes made herself a bowl of cereal and plopped down on the couch to lazily watch TV to savour one of the rare instances when she wasn’t working on an album or touring. She turned to cable because she felt too lazy to even pick something to watch on Netflix. She was in the middle of changing channels when she was assaulted by the emotionally detached yet debonair voice of a male reporter on a news channel.

“Famous Broadway actor and fashion designer Kurt Hummel’s body was found at the bank of The Hudson River this morning. Our sources report that-” 

Mercedes’ grip slackened on the remote control, the device landed on its power button on the floor. The TV switched off.


	2. Chapter 2

Burt Hummel thanked friends and family for attending the wake , then he went down to the basement to his son's old room, he sat on his son’s bed staring at the belongings from his childhood and teenage years; the tiara filled hope chest, his mothers dresser, his prom queen scepter.

“How did you keep going on, Carole" He didn't look up, quite sure it was his concerned wife who had followed him downstairs. “After he was gone? How?” He avoided saying his name to repress the thought of having lost both of his sons now.

“I had you.” Carole said. “ I had Kurt.” Her voice quavered.

Burt nodded gravely. “You know , when he was about fifteen he used to tell me all these things, about how he wanted to be buried, what kind of funeral he wanted. I didn’t think much of it, thought it was one of those teen interests, like goth or something.” Burt shrugged bitterly.

“ Then one day I get a call from his school counselor saying my son has been looking at suicide pamphlets! I tried helping him, Carole , I didn’t know how so I forced him to join some sort of team, make some friends. I eventually thought it’d be easier or enough, if I just loved him unconditionally but I wish I’d talked to him more. I never knew what he was thinking but I wish I hadn’t stopped trying to understand him. I could’ve done more, I should’ve-” Burt broke down into loud sobs. 

Carole wasn’t sure if Burt could’ve done much to prevent this tragedy, she traced comforting circles on his back, keeping her suspicions about the cause of Kurt's death to herself.


	3. Chapter 3

3rd July, 2024

“ Oh ! Kurt,” Isabelle cooed. “ You’re like a sexy gay Anna Wintour.”

Kurt chuckled shyly, rapidly typing away.

“No, seriously.” Isabelle went on. “ You are the editor in chief of the best fashion magazine since Vogue, one that you founded and it’s just crazy because it seems like yesterday you were my skittish little intern wearing a hippo brooch.” 

“Those were the days.” Kurt sighed wistfully, only half joking. “ And hey! Anna Wintour doesn’t have her own clothing line.” He smirked, spinning around on his revolving chair to gesture at the rack beside his desk.

“ And, she hasn’t been on Broadway.” Isabelle said, leaning on his desk to playfully boop his nose. Her smile faltered upon seeing the uneasy look on Kurt’s husband's face. Sensing that he felt left out she added, “And she wasn’t married to her gorgeous co-star.”

Isabelle thought she caught an inexplicable look of fury flit across the man’s face before he smiled good naturedly.


	4. Chapter 4

“Search for missing fashion designer stretches into the 5th day” 

Detective Jim Shellstrop closed the tab on his computer and turned to his partner.

“ So what do you think , this husband...Anderson. A case of the CC?”

CC was an inside joke between Jim and Robert, wherein they would determine how likely the person who reported the crime was to be a Cocky Criminal trying to throw the cops off their trail.

“I say, 70% percent chance, he’s got that guilty rich guy vibe.” He pointed toward the station exit.“Entitled, impatient , defensive. I think it was a crime of passion, and now he’s filing a missing persons report, you know , to seem concerned” He spat out the word ‘concerned’ venomously.

“Passion, huh? They got plenty of that, these artist types.”

_______________  
“Mr. Elliott Gilbert.” The officer started theatrically. “Could it be said that you and Mr. Hummel are...close.” He said dubiously as Elliot sat down.

Elliot cocked his head sideways and narrowed his eyes at the mans’ tone and choice of words but decided not to comment on it.

“ Yes, we’re close.”

“Very well, and what was the nature of your relationship?” He said, scrutinizing his suspects face with an intent unreadable expression

“We were friends, co-workers, I’m his daughters’ godfather.” 

“And your “friend” was happily married to Mr. Anderson?”

“Yes, more often than not, as far as I know.” He replied carefully.

“You don’t sound too sure.”

“Kurt was a very private person.” Elliott offered.

“What did you pick up on your own as his close friend , Mr. Gilbert? Without him telling you?

“Kurt adored Blaine.” He said, sounding vaguely offended.

The officer chuckled. “ Let’s try that again with a non-tabloid interview answer.”

“Fine.” Elliot sighed. “Blaine.” He paused for a second to find the right words. “ You could tell he knew Kurt was out of his league.”

The cop raised one eyebrow , as if to say Oh? Is that so?

“And with couples like that, you either have a lot of adoration and hero worship, or resentment and an unhealthy sense of competition.”

“How far do you think they were willing to go to win that competition?”

“I don’t know .” He said truthfully.


	5. Chapter 5

20th February,2024

Today was mine and Blaine’s anniversary. Blaine convinced the entire cast of Virginia Woolf to drop by at Vogue to ambush me with All You Need Is Love, his proposal song. I’ve tried telling Blaine how uncomfortable being at the center of attention has always made me when I’m unprepared. He never listens. 

I sat at my desk mortified , thinking about how bad this would look to our business associates, I thought about what my employees would think, and the press coverage. God the press coverage, someone was sure to leak this.

Why are you doing this, Blaine, I thought. To show me how much you love me or to show anyone but me. To show everyone that we’re perfect and just sooo adorable.

Blaine left before I could tell him I got Ellie a sitter, and made a dinner reservation for us.

I just got a text from him saying he’ll be out late; he and Sam have tickets to some Star Wars movie. 

I feel like a protagonist at the beginning of rom-com. Alone.

October 2nd, 2024

I think society has progressed past the need for alcoholic beverages used as simulation. Especially if said beverage makes you act like an idiot in front of all your guests; make out with your married cast-mate while you’re in the same room as your husband! Then, get creepily handsy with your husband in lieu of an apology after all the guests leave to the point that your husband has to lock himself in the spare bedroom and cry himself to sleep. Also why is Riverdale still airing.

September 15th,2024  
To do list  
BUY CONCEALER  
Go get lunch with Blaine  
Apologize?!?

Work was awkward today. Isabelle came in today with cheesecake and like any normal person would , asked me what the bruise on my face was from. A hickey, was my hurried reply. Yeah...

“ On your face?” Came her baffled reply. I could pretty much see the cogs and gears turning her head like that meme with the equations on the woman's face. Isabelle’s concern for me makes her very endearing, but this also makes her harder to handle than most people I work with. I may have implied to my employees that Blaine and I often engage in BDSM, they have all avoided awkward conversations about my personal life since.

I don’t like who I am more than ever. 20 year old Kurt would see me and say “Wow, you made it.” and I would look him dead in the eye and say: “ No , dumbfuck , I didn’t.” and he would roll his eyes and walk away, I would fume in envy and bitterness at his self-assurance.

A little background .This morning I did the thing you never do if you want a successful marriage. I checked my husband's phone. Then he found out, started yelling about invasion of privacy, I started yelling about who Justin was. I let it get too far, Blaine lost his cool. The rest is history.

When did I become this paranoid person with no self-esteem. 20 year old Kurt would’ve filed for divorce then and there, but I can’t. I can’t do that to do Elizabeth, so I have to sit through Blaine “winning me over” , again. Until he finds himself another Justin or Chad or Eli, and then watch the cycle repeat itself.


	6. Chapter 6

17th September 2025

“ Oh my god, have you been crying?” Sebastian beamed sauntering into his office with a cup of coffee, just like high school. “ You look like shit.” Blaine had sunken eyes, and only half the amount of hair gel in than usual.

“My husband is missing, you sociopath!” Blaine snapped.

“No, no.” He replied holding one hand behind head in surrender. “This is good, Anderson. I can work with this.” He began pacing around his office. “ Some tips for the press bombarding you tomorrow? Don’t cry. Your natural crying looks very staged. I would know I’ve caused it. The media will definitely turn on you.”

Blaine stared at the man with a mixture of anger and confusion.

“On the other hand if you could manage a subtle single tear down your cheek .” He continued, swiping his cheek with his finger “And one voice crack, that would be perfect. What are you, 4’9?

“I’m 5’-”

“You’re adorable.” He cut him off , quickening his pace. “They’ll love you and your devastated husband act”

“It won’t be an act!”

Sebastian just rolled his eyes. Lady doth protest too much, he thought.

“What are you my publicist? I asked for a lawyer.” Blaine narrowed his eyes in rage.

“You know what they say.” Sebastian said, smirking, doing finger guns at Blaine. “ A good lawyer is just a really good publicist.”

“Who says that?” He asked exasperatedly.

“Me. I do.”

“I hate you.” Blaine said with disgust.

“Most of my clients do.” He shrugged. “But hey, didn’t forge a career exclusively out of wins by being likable. So, listen up. ”

He sat down and took a sip from his cup. “Maybe they’ll find Hummel and you’ll be Ricky and Loose-y again.”

“It was ONE TIME.” Blaine yelled , referring to the the time where Blaine had kissed Sebastian at a premiere party afterparty , and then bawled his eyes out, while Sebastian sipped Scotch barely suppressing his smirk. 

“Quite down, Anderson. I don’t have enough caffeine in my system to handle your screeching , I’m not Kurt.”

Blaine huffed and sat back.

“Anyways, I was saying maybe they find him; maybe they don’t. On the off chance they do find him and he’s not breathing.” Sebastian looked momentarily melancholy. “You need to have the facts of the case in your favour . For him, okay?” He nodded solemnly at Blaine. “For your daughter, for your career.”

Blaine nodded back.


	7. Chapter 7

10th October, 2025

“ Miss Debora Plath.” Jim said softly. “I understand that you were on the costume designing team for Virginia Woolf?”

“That is correct.” She said in her faint Italian accent.

“And Kurt Hummel was both in the acting cast and the design team.”

“Yes.”

“Was Mr.Hummel well liked by the people he knew?.”

“Yes, he was very sweet and hard-working.” She said thinking about the late nights Kurt stayed back on the sets helping her hand sew the costumes, making very interesting tweaks here and there, about how he listened to her rant about her custody battle troubles attentively never saying anything crass or hurtful.

“What about Blaine?

Debora scrunched up her face in distaste.“ Eh, not so much.” 

Jim raised one eyebrow. “Why ?”

“That boy, Blaine, he didn’t even graduate from a performing arts school, did you know that he he flunked out of NYADA? But he still criticised more experienced members of the cast. His criticisms didn’t even make sense, since he didn’t tell anyone how they could improve or what they did wrong he just tore people down but at the same time he got angry when the director tried to improve his singing or dancing, he even wanted to alter the script so he’d have more solos.”

“I see, didn’t the cast help him with his anniversary gift for Mr.Hummel?”

“Only because he pretty much forced them.” She scoffed. “He told Sylvia she was being “unnecessarily difficult” because she had to visit her sister's baby on the day of the anniversary. Virginia Woolf toured for about five years, sir, we’re like family , the cast and crew, and Blaine, he was like the cousin everyone pretended to like.”

“I see, thank you for your cooperation , Miss Plath, we’ll let you know if we have follow up questions.”

\--------------------------

“Hey , Jim!” Robert prodded Jim’s arm “ I called it. Pay up.”

“Why, what did Dr. Kailing say?

“You know the prescription vitamin supplements we found in the drawer with the fake bottom?”

Jim nodded, thinking about the journal they’d found which the victim’s attorney had immediately snatched away from them because the victim had willed it to his father, thankfully they’d already read every last word and sent it to the forensics . Eventually Mr. Hummel Sr. gave the journal to back them saying its contents might help in the investigation.

“They were laced with slow poison, every last pill. Guess whose prints were on the bottle.”

“Anderson’s?”

“Yup.”

\----------------

“ The usual?” The barista asked Sebastian, his usual was a vanilla latte with enough sugar to dilate his pupils, but today was not a usual day. He needed more caffeine than usual to process what his dad heard from Officer Shellstrop.

“No, get me an Americano, no milk.”

He took his styrofoam cup and marched into his office. Blaine was already there, looking much more put together than one would expect a prime suspect of the nation’s hottest murder investigation in New York to look. #JusticeforKurt was trending on all social media platforms.

“You did it, didn’t you?” Sebastian said with revolt.

Blaine looked at him questioningly.

He sighed and laughed bitterly .“You killed Hummel.” He said incredulously.

“I didn’t.” He whispered.

“Then why are your prints on the poisoned pills in his system, Anderson.” He said, taking a step closer to Blaine.

“I didn’t know, he told me they were his vitamins.” Blaine pleaded, taking a step back.

“Where were you the day he went missing.” He moved closer.

“I can’t remember.” Blaine moved away again.

“Isn’t that convenient ?Just tell me, did you kill Kurt?

“I DON’T KNOW, OKAY?MAYBE I DID!” Blaine screamed.

“Get the hell out of my office.” He replied calmly, leaving no room for argument.

After Blaine stormed out, Sebastian kicked over one of his clients' chairs . Just once he’d like an innocent client.


	8. Chapter 8

When the authorities find my body everyone will narrow their eyes at Blaine.I’m counting on the registered nurse in the family to notice the signs of slow poisoning if the police don’t. None of their suspicions will be completely misguided. He did cause this. All of this is about him. About taking back control.

Did you like Journal Kurt? I’m sure you did. Unlike me , he was easy to like, since he was easy to pity. The media will love him too, because they love their tragic gays to cry about one afternoon and forget about the next. I’ll be a cautionary tale religious mothers might tell their children if they remember it long enough. Mercedes will pray for me, unless she’s in the middle of one of those social media cleanses of hers. Then she won’t hear about me until they recover my body.Oh well.

I willed my journal to my father. I assume he will read it avidly out of grief riddled obligation, with a kind of interest he never showed in me while I was alive. At some point , my father being the stereotypical American he is with his ideas about morals and justice that I myself once shared , will feel the urgent need to hand over the journal to the police. That’s where the fun begins.

I planned the contents of the diary to record the gradual deterioration of my marriage due to my disillusionment of who Blaine was as incriminatingly for him as possible. Didn’t even have to lie. Not once. If the police send my journal to the forensics they will find a lot of tear stains on it. Thought it was a nice touch. After all, Rachel Berry isn’t the only one who can cry on demand, though I stopped expressing actual strong emotions around Blaine around the time I moved in with him and I stopped expressing anything real at all around the time I married him. He had this way of weaponizing my vulnerabilities against me. Like when he dated the man who sexually assaulted me after I broke off our engagement , and claimed it had nothing to do with me. In retrospect I feel bad for David and I’m glad he survived prolonged exposure to Blaine.

Speaking of keeping things from Blaine. It was pretty easy hiding the diary from him. He thinks he knows everything about me. Not because I tell him, mind you, but because he checks my phone and needles my friends until they give up my secrets. He doesn’t know shit. I kept the diary in a drawer with a fake bottom. Oldest trick in the book, which is exactly why it’ll work. Blaine was never one to understand subtlety, even though he accused me of standing out too much on multiple occasions.

Like I said I didn’t lie , but I stacked the evidence. I mailed Sam tickets to the latest Star Wars flick with a letter that said he won the Monthly Jedi Lottery. The fact that it worked makes me consider why exactly I had a crush on him. Then again, I married Blaine. I invited the sluttiest members of the Virginia Woolf cast so they could stab me in the back, I invited the ones that liked me the best so I would have witnesses to sympathize with Poor Kurt, and I invited the big mouthed ones to expose Blaine. Some of those people aren’t mutually exclusive. You know, I never thought I’d be actively sabotaging my marriage after all the time I spent desperately clinging to it. I guess ,I’m like a rat scratching a sailors eye to eat on a sinking ship after years of living on the sailors' scraps. 

It may seem hard to believe because of how often things just got handed to him, but Blaine isn’t nearly as popular as he seems to think he is. I got the idea to turn everyone against him by disguising my seeds of dissent as compliments and encouragement from Rachel’s Sunshine Corazon debacle. Every time someone felt slighted by Blaine on set I was there to cheer them up. When the police go around sniffing my blood my cast-mates will be quick to point in the direction of Blaine’s hands. 

Even my dear husband himself won’t believe he’s innocent ; he would recall thinking if his life would be easier with me gone. The answer is no, because I won’t let it. Blaine would often avoid taking responsibility for his actions by saying he’d been drunk. “ It wasn’t my fault, Kurt, I was drunk!” or “Ha ha , I don’t even remember that I blacked out.” Ha ha, indeed. He remembered just fine , in case you were wondering, he would sometimes bring those incidents up during parties to joke about. When I would glare at him , he’d just look puzzled because he’d forgotten he’d been lying about it to me. Joke’s on him because I started conditioning him to be able to doubt his innocence himself, I started making up stories about the terrible things he did to me when he was intoxicated to tell him. He had no way of confirming with someone else without losing what little dignity he was still clinging to. When he’s being interrogated a part of him will be plagued by the question of whether or not he did kill me in a fit of drunken rage. When he screams “ I’m innocent.” he won't believe it himself, and the cops will notice.

Him hitting me, a crime of passion on his part. I remembered what he’d done when we were in college, unprovoked, but I didn’t know if present day Mature Adult Blaine was still capable of physical violence without me egging him on. So I did, I pushed all the right buttons until he cracked. Told him he was nothing but a mediocre man riding my coattails, asked him about it how was going with his latest fuck buddy, all that jazz. I told Ellie to keep quiet about what Papa did to Daddy, so naturally she’s going to tell everyone. Oops. 

I planted child pornography under Blaine’s bed. The old timey DVD kind he won’t be able to explain his way out of. I got them from the late April Rhodes( she was using it to blackmail Sandy Ryerson).Even his lawyer won’t want to prove him innocent after this one comes out, because we can sympathize with handsome murderers, but pedophiles are where we all draw the line. Hey, It’s not like he didn’t dodge the sign of Sex Offender flashing above his head in neon by an inch because of my generosity back in high school, and then several times after that.

I made sure Blaine’s and only Blaine’s prints are on my bottle of vitamin supplements. My dear Blaine always loved doing ‘manly’ tasks for me, to feel superior. I humored him by always getting him to open the bottle for me. He always made a spectacle of giving me the pills or reminding me to take them to show everyone and himself he was taking care of me, that I needed him because I was a frail twink who needed his vitamins.

Then comes the final part, dying. Even though I like the idea of drowning and decaying in the water, with my legs intertwined with seaweed, and fish nibbling at my flesh, I want to be found so my dad can bury me beside my mother and Finn. Also to seal Blaine’s fate but if my husband had actually killed me he wouldn't’ve tried to dispose of my body, he’d march right up to court to convince everyone it had been my fault , and promptly get off on grounds of justifiable homicide.

But why Kurt? Why go through all this trouble, you ask? I’ll tell you why, after years of fights, disappointments, yelling , and crying I finally understood that Blaine Anderson would never pull his head out of his ass and accept me for who I am. So, I learned to play the fucking role. Of Blaine’s “soulmate”, his dream man. I faked orgasms, I took Ellie and locked ourselves in the spare bedroom whenever he got too drunk to be safe to be around. I turned down acting jobs I couldn’t shoehorn him into to preserve his fragile ego. I was always the perfect husband, his dream man, it was so cool of me to be okay with him ditching me to go out with Sam on our anniversary, so cool of me to tolerate this and that, so cool that I was compromising (insert something important to me) to prioritize his needs. All so he could neglect his daughter and find a younger, dreamier man to suck his dick the one day I wasn’t there to do it for him. Really Blaine’s definition of a romantic partner was just a sex slave, with an emphasis on slave.

No matter what he did , I always forgave him, but I couldn’t forgive him for being so narcissistic that he didn’t even care about his own daughter. Soulmates, that's what he always told me to solidify my faith in “Klaine” whenever I had doubts. “We’re soulmates, Kurt!” You’re right, Blaine, soulmates, 'til death do us part. 

When I’m gone, and Blaine is in prison, Mercedes and Elliot will get joint custody of Ellie, I couldn’t ask for better people to raise her. It is both depressing and comforting to know that she’s far too young to mourn me for too long. When she’s older she’ll feel the loss of a parent, but not me specifically. I feel terrible for putting Ellie through this, and I won’t say one day she'll understand, because I barely understand it myself, but whatever life she'll have will be better than the one Blaine and I were going to let her have, she will be scarred by this, but far less than she would be if Blaine had raised her.


	9. Chapter 9

Elizabeth Hummel-Anderson is the spitting image of Kurt’s mother, same glasz eyes, same shade of strawberry blonde hair, same heart shaped face. Which is exactly what makes leaving her behind so hard.

As he got older Kurt started missing his mother less and less. He initially assumed it was because he’d replaced her with his daughter. He later realized it was because his time was near. Though he’s not convinced he’ll get to meet her if an afterlife exists as it is conventionally said to be a moral hierarchy.When his daughter stops missing him he hopes it'll be for the former and not the latter. 

Kurt got ready the best he could with Ellie following him around with her sippy cup trying to get him to drink water the entire day. He took his Finn pendant , a gold ornament with Finn’s name engraved on it ,he’d had custom made after his tattoo disaster, he wore the clothes least likely to lose their color due to prolonged soaking. He checked his wallet to see if Ellie’s photo was still there. Every once in a while he would cough up blood and he had to take extra care to not let her see the napkin, she was being pushy enough as it was. He tried snapping at her once but she just folded her arms against her chest and her eyes glowed green before slowly welling up. Kurt felt a strange kinship to his father in that moment, because he’d been subjected to this Hurt Hummel look on several occasions, but Kurt himself, was only now realizing how effective it was.

Ellie was not a clingy child, she usually stayed in her own world. Talking to her stuffed animals, hosting tea parties with her bunny, Mr.Clarkson, but children are kind of psychic. Kurt trailed his dad the entire morning , the day his mother got into her accident, telling him he had a funny feeling. He just asked Kurt if he had a stomach ache. He was about three years older than Ellie.

He dropped Ellie off at Elliot’s, he got down on his knees to make eye contact with her ;then lied to her face, said he was going to the pharmacy to get some meds for his throat and he’d be back within an hour. He was sure Elliot thought he was going shopping but didn’t want Ellie to know so she wouldn’t throw a fit and ask to go so she could attempt to max Kurt’s card.

“Mr.Clarkson says you won’t be back!” She cried, clutching her bunny.

Someone needs to have a talk with Mr. Clarkson about what snitches get, he thought.

Elliot was leaning against the front door, smirking. He didn’t realize Ellie rarely ever raised her voice and enjoyed watching his friend squirm, blissfully ignorant.

“Of course I’ll be back.” Kurt said, daunted by the desperation in her voice. He kissed her forehead. “But hey, if you want a guarantee, here.”

\------------------

“Blaine Devon Anderson,”  
\-------------------  
Kurt poked his finger into his shirt collar to feel around for his Finn pendant, he located it unclasped it and handed it to Ellie. She closed her fingers around it tightly.

\-------------------  
“- you are charged indictment-”

\------------------  
“Whenever you need me, or your uncle Finn,” Elliot frowned at that, wondering why Kurt was in the same category as his dead brother. “- you press that and we’ll be there, baby girl.” Way to plant the seeds of trauma in your kid, Hummel, Kurt thought to himself. 

Ellie still didn’t look entirely convinced.

“You’re a good dad.” Elliot said his frown was replaced with a fond smile.

I wish I was, Elliot.  
\---------------  
“-possession of child pornography, sexual battery, domestic violence and murder in the first degree.”

\--------------  
The slow poison had been very effective so far. Kurt had already passed out enough times to be able to predict the pattern by now, all he had to do now is drive to the Hudson and wait to fall in.

\--------------  
“We, the jury impaneled and sworn and above entitled action upon our oaths.”

\--------------

Kurt hugged his knees and closed his eyes, imagining the loud crashing of waves against the sandy shore instead of the muddy bank he was currently sitting on and the smell of salty turquoise seawater instead of the fresh blue-green stream He opened one eye to see the sunlight was casting golden flecks on the water. He wished he’d picked the ocean to drown in. He smiled thinking about the first time he took Ellie to the beach when she was one, she’d crawled across the beach and tried to eat as much sand as she could fit in her tiny mouth, which had resulted in Kurt picking her up and shoving her in the baby harness carrier and carrying her around the whole trip while Blaine rinsed her mouth out. The thought of Ellie made Kurt’s chest tighten in a way that made him wonder if he was having a heart attack.

“Mr.Clarkson says you won’t be back!”

He could still go back, couldn’t he ? He thought. Burn his diary, file for divorce, pick his daughter and hold her close to his chest.Tell her Daddy came back just like he said he would, you must’ve pressed the pendant. You can go back, you can go back, you can go back, he repeated in his head.

But he didn't. Instead, he got up, dried his eyes on his shirt sleeve and waited.

\---------------  
“-do find the defendant as to count one first degree murder, guilty.” Blaine looked at his lawyer with a stricken expression, Sebastian merely shrugged nonchalantly as if to say, Don’t look at me!

\--------------  
Ellie let out hysterical sobs that would hurt her throat once she’d calmed down ,while she balled up her fists and repeatedly punched Elliot. 

“Where is he, Elliot, where’s Daddy? I TOLD YOU HE WOULDN’T COME BACK, YOU DIDN’T LISTEN. I TOLD YOU, I TOLD YOU." She coughed a couple times before quitely saying "I told you.” 

Elliot looked at her helplessly resisting the urge to cry himself.  
\-------------

“Based on the decision of the jury I sentence you to life in prison without the possibility of parole.”

\------------  
Kurt's hands felt clammy , his muscles relaxed , he felt his vision begin to blur before fading to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so YES it's a gone girl au, so romantic right? anyways shoutout to the readers that called it, you're very smart even though I call one of you a dumbass very often.


End file.
